I got a scholarship to a great graduate journalism program, but now that school has started, I'm miserable. I double-majored in art and philosophy as an undergraduate, and it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do for my career. After working at dead-end office and customer-service jobs, I applied to grad school for journalism since I love writing and critical thinking.
Ultimately, I want to work at a website or a magazine, but not hard news. I'm having a really hard time in school, because it's more work than I expected, and I'm not good at it. In college, academic writing came so naturally to me, but now, I fumble trying to write a short lead or news brief. All my assignments come back with red all over them. I feel like I'm walking around in the dark, bumping into things and not really getting anywhere. For the first time in my life, I'm not good at school. I've always been on the honor roll and even received academic awards in college. But now, I'm getting low grades and struggling to keep up with my workload. I try my best to be motivated, but the classes that are required this first year focus on writing in which I'm not interested, namely broadcast and newspaper reporting. I don't have much motivation because of my lack of interest, but I do all my assignments. I feel overwhelmed and discouraged by how badly I'm doing, and I have the added pressure of maintaining good grades to keep my scholarship. I'm not sure if I'm just having a hard time readjusting to school and a new environment, or if I'm really not cut out for this program or even this profession.
I break down and cry at least twice a week and feel hopeless about my situation most of the time. I want to at least try and see if I can finish this. But I've started to fantasize about quitting. It would be a huge step backward. I'd have to start to think about "what I want to do" all over again. I mostly enjoy writing about arts and culture, and I still want to do that. But I question if this is the right path to that. Everything about this program feels unnatural. I dislike the hectic and fast-paced nature of it, which again makes me question being a journalist in the first place. It feels like they're trying to cram everything into such short amounts of time, so I don't have time to get a grip on what I'm trying to learn.